Carrigaline

We all, at one time or another, idealise love as that portrayed by Yuri and Lara in Dr Zhivago, a dominant paradigm of romantic love, pure, disinterested, self-sacrificing, floating ethereally on Maurice Jarre's musical score.&nbsp;
The Oxford dictionary very loosely defines love as "a very strong feeling of liking and caring for somebody, especially a member of your family or a friend”
Quarantine has placed us all in a pressure cooker. Even if you’re still going out to work, nothing is the same and, at home, your relationships feel more under the microscope than ever before.&nbsp;
What once might have been half-hearted, light bickering over who fills the dishwasher, or a mistimed joke can quickly escalate to the quarantine quarrel.
There’s a perfectly natural explanation for the unbearable intensity of life under Covid-19. Quarrelling is a physical response, not an intellectual process, which is why no one has ever solved an argument with a screaming match, and nobody ever will.
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Conflict is not necessarily a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and while relationships that were already faltering may be cracking under the strain, the quarantine quarrel is not necessarily about deep structural problems.&nbsp;
It can simply be about the unrelenting, unceasing, never-ending togetherness and the enough already of that condition. Many couples argue not because they lack intimacy, but because they possess it.
We have brains that are built more for war than for love. In order to survive, we have more threat centres in the brain than anything else. It’s part of the human condition, and it’s part of the problem in all relationships.
In fact, Neuroscientists have argued that the content of any given argument doesn't matter. Money, time, mess, sex, children are the five most argued over. But they also argue, it’s never really about those things. What causes a problem is the manner in which we interact, especially in the heat of the moment.
That is what isolation under Covid-19 can feel like. We are at war even when we are at love. That’s as much a biological reality as an emotional one.

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Valentine's hearts are everywhere at this time of year as people celebrate the power of love. But forget about your heart: love doesn’t happen there, love is a drama that happens all over your body.
It is the brain that gives you that feeling of euphoria, the butterflies in your stomach, and the sweaty palms when you meet that special person. And it is your brain deciding if you are overwhelmed by love at first sight.&nbsp;&nbsp;
Activity in the brain’s reward system – including the orbitofrontal cortex, the nucleus accumbens, and the hypothalamus – rises when couples first meet and fall in love, and together they provide feelings of pleasure and reward.
We spend so much time trying to figure out if the person who we love loves us in return that we forget to enjoy love for what it is, in the moment, for the time that it exists.&nbsp;
The truth is, no one belongs to anyone and the idea of forever is a fantasy fed to us by films and movies, Instagram and our mothers.
The only real way to love is to love in the moment. Love in the quiet moments on the sofa and stay in the quiet moment, just for a little while forgetting all the troubles in the world. Love in the silence of bedrooms and the quiet of films you watch together.&nbsp;

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Love yourself, your partner, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends, your neighbour.&nbsp;&nbsp;
There is never a time or place for love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single moment.&nbsp;
No reason is needed for good loving.
Love in the silent walks which you go on together, or in the second of the text message you get from a loved one. Focus on loving in the present, in the second, in the moment.
When are we going to need our loved ones more than now?
by Axelle McQueen

Love in a Time of Pandemic

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